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I'm Your Best Friend
Selma and Jupiter get paired with two obnoxious friends who make them suffer in differing ways. Their behavior ruins the girls' friendship with their respective groups but they're forced to persevere to avoid getting sent to reform school. Cold Open Kerry mulls over his wife leaving him. Britney joins on a conversation and discusses the benefits of living single, claiming all anyone needs to be happy is a basic income. As a demonstration, she shows how a majority of couples are dysfunctional at worst or boring at best. Kerry agrees but claims he wants a woman nowadays for bragging rights. Plot Jupiter had recently been fired from a part time job she had after an argument with a mean-spirited boss. We learn that Boris had spent the week getting her into work so she could earn her keep, in spite of her being the least likely to ask for money or other things. Jupiter's primarily upset that Boris has signed her to jobs well out of her league, but her ideas are shot down due to Boris having run ins with the managers of her job ideas. Meanwhile, Hanneke is trying to get Selma to be more involved in community affairs. Her encounters have led to violence, but Selma claims she's not interested in the obnoxious people she encounters. Hanneke chalks it up to her unwillingness to lighten up, but Selma points out how Hanneke hypocritically attacks Boris in public and right to his face over his jokes. Both parents convene and find solidarity in their desire to make their children more socially acceptable. Boris reveals he had secretly signed the both of them up for a social outreach program, but is willing to give the girls one last chance before he sends them to the group. At dinner, Boris and Hanneke test their social skills with a round of questions, but both wind up arguing with their parents after they get annoyed enough. The experience pushes Hanneke to side with Boris on the program idea. When told, the girls are reluctant to go through with it, feeling they're fine enough as is. But Boris claims that if they don't, while continuing to exhibit their usual behavior, he will send them both to a different reform school, each an amalgamate of their worst fears. Both girls go to the program, where their social skills are assessed and immediately deemed problematic. Both are paired with a different kid in relation to their worst personality traits, Pat for Jupiter and Pam for Selma. Both don't exhibit any off-putting behavior, so they decide to go with it to avoid reform school. The program is said to last for a week. At school the next day, the kids begin to show their true colors. Pam ignores Selma and attempts to integrate with the Survivors, but they tell her to get lost. Pam reveals embarrassing secrets about Selma and it gets her no further. Jupiter has equally bad luck with Pat, where he embarrasses her through his lack of self-esteem and causes her to miss out on various pranks as he has her do additional tasks to make him look better. Julie's gang consider him a nuisance. During a prank involving the removal of a flag hanging in the room, Pat gets them caught and makes Selma take the blame, but she and the rest of the gang get pegged. Julie and the others mock Pat, but Jupiter's reluctant to follow suit. After school, the girls are ready to admit that the program is a bust, but Boris reminds them of the alternative. Jody and Julie's groups arrive to talk to Jupiter and Selma about their encounters, warning them that if they continue to associate with Pam and Pat, they will have to cut them out of their social life. As their parents are watching, Selma and Jupiter are forced to vouch for them. The groups give them one more chance to prove Pam and Pat are worth associating with. The groups attempt to get more info from Boris, but he just tells them to leave. The next day, Selma and Jupiter talk to Pat and Pam about how they could improve. They don't listen and resume trying to integrate with their friends. The two persevere trying to improve them, but they remain stagnant. This culminates in Selma missing a trip to a new hair salon; Pam knocks her out and leaves her at the cemetery, and Jupiter getting blamed for Corky getting suspended after Pat lets slip they did a prank that hospitalized Cosmo. The girls vouch for the two, but over the next few days, the two cause more and more trouble and both groups opt to disassociate from them. Selma considers giving up, having lost too much with Boris' agreement. Jupiter disagrees, not wanting to get defeated by Pam, but is close to changing her mind upon realizing that Jody's group could effect her social standing. Jupiter also finds a brochure about the reform school Boris wants to send her to and is horrified over the prospect of wearing a skirt. Jupiter convinces Selma to hold on for the agreement, in that they only have to go the weekend and they'll try to make it up to their respective groups. At home, the girls find that Boris has invited Pat and Pam over for the weekend. Pam uses the phone for the first night, annoying everyone though Hanneke and Boris attempt to keep up with the front. Pat nearly pawns all of Selma's stuff to buy something to win over Julie's gang. In the morning, fearing that their parents would fault them for going away from Pam and Pat, they try to make it through the last day. As a desperate attempt, the girls both hide in the bathroom and reflect on what has happened. They remain in there until dusk, where the two find them further showing their obsession with their groups; Pat shaved his head and gave himself piercings, also robbing Boris to the latter's ignorance, Pam dons a wig similar to Casandra's hair. Reaching their limit, the girls call them out on their insanity. The two admit they're crazy and go to attack them, viewing them as obstacles to grandeur. The girls run to the school and hide in the compactor room. After getting found, Selma flees for the nearest exit, which is over a roller conveyor. Jupiter trips and the two go after her. As the two get on, Selma gets the table unscrewed and lifts it, knocking the two into the compactor. As it's an automatic machine, it activates and crushes the two as Jupiter and Selma flee the area. Both girls convene with their groups, livid with shock. The girls apologize for the trouble they've wrought and the groups treat them to a late night snack to cheer them up. Jupiter goes with Julie's gang to get pizza and mocks Pat over his blatant social awkwardness, claiming that Selma could've easily overpowered him. Selma goes with Jody and his friends to get burgers. She mocks Pam vehemently and is happy to be done with her. Trivia *Hanneke's from Arizona, this is the first episode where her birth state is revealed. *This and Of All the Thanks Given are considered to be the darkest episodes in the show due to them featuring characters that get killed. Election Show is also among the darker episodes though it doesn't feature casualties. *Pat's speech is a spoof of Bishop's speech in the film Juice.